Hello everybody! Welcome to Weigh-In Wednesday!
Please go check out my sweet co-host!
Ash @ A Step in the Right Direction
If you're new to the link-up, please leave a comment & say hi!
If you're new to the link-up, please leave a comment & say hi!
Once again my plan to write more posts in a week has failed. I blink my eyes and it's already Wednesday! Let's jump to the weigh in, shall we? To my shock and surprise, I'm the same weight as last week.
Even since I started doing this link up back in May, I have never shared my actual weight. Within the last few months it became apparent that people I know read the blog which further hampered any desire to share my weight.
It just seems super hypocritical to be the host of a "weigh in" and not share this side of myself. Set backs are made dramatically easier when all I do is provide vague details about my weight loss. I'm still participate in a way that is comfortable for me & I think we all know very little is accomplished when we are "comfortable."
A little background. Two weekends ago, after much frustration, I started looking into going back to Weight Watchers. I joined my senior year of high school, eventually losing 20 lbs before going to college (and then I gained it all back plus 40 lbs more). I know it isn't the plan that helps - points or calories, it's all the same to me. I don't really feel that Weight Watchers teaches healthful habits either but one thing I did enjoy was the accountability. Being a poor medical student, my friend and I decided to be each other's accountability since we are both getting married this summer. We weigh in a Saturday mornings now. So if I can share that deeply personal statistic with her, I think I should be doing it here as well. Without further ado...
Yup. That says 211.8. Now the rest of my stats:
Height: 5'8"
SW: 236.2 lb (yikes)
Loss this week: 0.0 lb
Total Loss: 24.8 lb
I hate this. I've started to share my weight more than a handful of times and I always end up deleting it. I feel ashamed. I feel guilty. I feel worthless. - all because of a stupid number.
You all are now my accountability, too. I know the number isn't the most important thing which is why I share other aspects of my training but I think it's important for me to be honest with myself about how far I still have to go since I am overweight and I do need to lose more.
These feelings came to a head yesterday during my Intro. to Clinical Medicine class. We just started our Cardiovascular block so we're learning a more in-depth cardio physical exam. Two of my friends were having trouble finding my femoral pulse (which is right in that bikini line area). They called one of the docs over who proceeded to say "You have to press harder on people with 'extra tissue.'" Clearly it was a comment that was meant to be instructive, not malicious. But it stuck with me and it brought up a lot of the comments I've heard my whole life "you have a beautiful face but...you could lose X pounds" and a variety of other weight-related comments.
I know I should be proud of the progress I've made and even if the scale isn't changing as fast as I would like, I should KNOW I'm changing. But then I get wrapped up in the feelings I described above. I just hope one of these days the pride and strength with predominate the doubt and worthlessness. Am I alone here?
A few more updates:
Last night I had my 5th long run for half marathon training. The weather was pretty great - started out at 48 degrees so I didn't have to layer up too much. The run, on the other hand, was HARD. I haven't run 6 miles since November when I ran my 10K. I wanted to quit. I wanted to give up.
Usually after about a mile or two, I find my groove. The endophins kick in and I stop feeling and just run. That moment never really came last night...it was a struggle. I haven't been getting all my short runs in lately which is probably the problem. Since the weather is getting better, my goal is to follow my training schedule to a T this week.
I'm starting to get scared to run more than 6 miles - I've never done this before! Luckily next week is a fall back week where we just run for 40 minutes so I'll have time to get lots of mileage in before the 7 mile doozy!
Whew...so there it is. Enjoy the rest of your week and make it a great one!
