Baby Talk

What’s with all the baby talk, people?

I feel kind of really weird even writing this post.  Nick and I aren’t engaged or married but we have been dating for quite some time now (6+ years). At this point, getting engaged is just a formality - we finally know where I'll be going to school, he's been at his first job for almost a year, and it's in the near future (or so he says). 

We’ve had the marriage/babies/let’s-grow-old together talk MANY times throughout the years. So, what’s different is that all of a sudden, other people are bringing this stuff up- mostly the one about babies.

The way people bring up babies is usually in a passing comment that almost goes undetected in the grand scheme of conversation but taken collectively, these instances warrant some attention.  

I mentioned in a previous post that Nick bought a new car.  While taking a family friend for a quick spin around the neighborhood, the friend said something about the car being spacious with the backseat having enough room for car seats. WHOA. Did you just say car seats?  Then another friend said something about enjoying his new car now because before long, he’d be buying a mini-van. These are just a few of the comments...

Now before we get too ahead of ourselves...I love babies!  I love children of all ages and stages - minus teenagers. I could careless about them but I think most people would agree with that.  I’ve been babysitting and nannying and camp counseling since I was 13 so I am extremely comfortable with these adorable tiny humans.  But the thing that makes all of these activities so great is that at the end of the day, I get to give them a quick hug and relinquish them back to their parental units who unconditionally love and adore them. 

The problem is, I am entirely too selfish to have children right now and most days, I can barely take care of myself.  While I know the baby comments are being made with the future in mind (i.e. being married), it’s just a little shocking to hear all of a sudden. 

Recently I met a woman who was visiting from the South. She asked a little about me and we chatted for a bit until she asked if I was married or had children.  My response was, “Oh no...I’m only 23!  I’m too young to be married and have kids.”  This woman just started laughing and said, “Honey, when I was your age I already had three kids!”  I’ve actually had multiple conversations like this which usually end up with me looking foolish and judgmental. 

I want to have it all...just not right now.

The funny thing is, I never envisioned having this outlook on the subject of babies.  I always wanted to get married young and have babies young. I didn’t want to be an “old” mom like so many of my friends’ moms.  I wanted to be able to have the closeness in age that my mom and I have. 

On top of that, there is no “good” time to start a family while in medical school or residency.  Sure, there are times that are “better” but on the whole, adding to an already stressful period of your life is never going to be easy or comparable to someone not pursuing this field of work.  I guess this fact has daunted me to the point where all this baby talk has me thrown for a loop. 

I would be afraid to start a family knowing that a) I would not get to spend as much time with him/her as I would like, b) I would end up neglecting my school work and thus lower my chances of entering my residency and career of choice, and c) I would add to the stress, sleeplessness, and anxiety that already comes with med school and parenthood separately.  

The few woman doctors I’ve talked to have told me to wait until after residency to start a family.  Well geez...by then I’ll be 30 or 31.  I can hear that biological clock ticking already...that isn't gonna work for me either.  I really do want a family - just not now.

I don’t know what the right answer is or what the correct timing will be - like always, I’ll probably just wing it when the time comes.  I’ll just have to accept the fact that I’m behind the curve when it comes to marriage and babies. There are so many people in my med school class that already have children - maybe it will put me ahead of the curve? Less distractions. Who knows?!

 In the meantime, can we stop all the baby talk and just let me enjoy other people's kids for awhile longer?