Hello everybody! Welcome to Weigh-In Wednesday!
Please go check out my sweet co-hosts & make sure to say hi!
Amy @ Write This Down
Bailey @ Being Bailey J
Ash @ A Step in the Right Direction
What an interesting few days it's been. I'm currently stuck in my own head right now - I told you the anxiety was setting in about school - and today is all about me working on getting out.
I haven't weighed myself today (yet), quite frankly I know what I'm going to see. Plateau. Or gain. I could see a loss at this point but I would still feel ill inside.
I'm a big believer in a holistic approach to health and that most things going on mentally find a way to manifest physically. By extension these mental inconsistencies manifest in my environment in ways like the cleanliness of my room and whether my hair stays in a top knot for three days or not (it did.)
I'll be honest. After my last trip of the summer and last time spending time with friends for awhile, things have changed. The realization that I'm leaving Nick, his family, and my family soon is very real. My excitement for school has utterly melted away and has been replaced by a lot of anxiety, fear, and a little depression. How am I coping right now? I'm retreating.
Why is that the toughest part of this journey comes right after significant success? I was doing SO well. Why is it so hard to continue to ride the waves right on down to my goal? There always has to be a setback or plateau.
I guess if it were easy, everyone would do it. But it's also what makes victory so sweet.
A lot of things don't make sense when I'm this stressed and anxious about the future like my propensity to push people away and isolate myself when I'm about to experience major change. I internalize or lash out. I did it with college, now I'm doing it with medical school. The thing is, a lot has changed in 5 years so there's no reason to keep repeating this destructive behavior.
So what's next? Well, I'm getting up early and going for a run because I'm not going to let myself be a miserable person for the next two weeks. I'm not going talk myself back into the old ways of doing things - using food for comfort, reverting back to an introvert, or skipping workouts - because the old ways sucked. They sucked up all my energy, my happiness, and my progress. Sure it's comfortable but it's not happening again.
I realize this post is a change from my usual upbeat & positive outlook but I said from the beginning that I was going to be open and honest about this journey.
I knew if I posted something about rainbows and happy-bright-things I would be "talking the talk" but not "walking the walk." I'm not going to do that. I'm going to whole-heartedly admit that I've failed this week. I've skipped workouts, I've eaten crap, and even QUIT in the middle of a run. Just quit and went to my car, drove home, and never looked back. On top of that, I've been pretty damn rude and dismissive to a few select people (that I know can take it) and it feels awful.
Turning over a new leaf starting NOW. I appreciate this time to vent and now I'm looking forward to a successful rest of the week. Unlike in the past, I have a whole community to draw inspiration and support from so for that, I thank you.
On a positive note, I have revamped my sponsorship options. I still have swaps available, but only for a limited time! Ash and I are offering 50% off all paid sponsorship ads for those who link up for Weigh In Wednesday. (Obviously it needs to be a relevant post. We will be checking!) MY promo code is: WIW50. Just check out the Sponsor tab and Passionfruit will do the rest!
Now let's get to linking up, shall we?
I haven't weighed myself today (yet), quite frankly I know what I'm going to see. Plateau. Or gain. I could see a loss at this point but I would still feel ill inside.
I'm a big believer in a holistic approach to health and that most things going on mentally find a way to manifest physically. By extension these mental inconsistencies manifest in my environment in ways like the cleanliness of my room and whether my hair stays in a top knot for three days or not (it did.)
I'll be honest. After my last trip of the summer and last time spending time with friends for awhile, things have changed. The realization that I'm leaving Nick, his family, and my family soon is very real. My excitement for school has utterly melted away and has been replaced by a lot of anxiety, fear, and a little depression. How am I coping right now? I'm retreating.
Why is that the toughest part of this journey comes right after significant success? I was doing SO well. Why is it so hard to continue to ride the waves right on down to my goal? There always has to be a setback or plateau.
I guess if it were easy, everyone would do it. But it's also what makes victory so sweet.
A lot of things don't make sense when I'm this stressed and anxious about the future like my propensity to push people away and isolate myself when I'm about to experience major change. I internalize or lash out. I did it with college, now I'm doing it with medical school. The thing is, a lot has changed in 5 years so there's no reason to keep repeating this destructive behavior.
So what's next? Well, I'm getting up early and going for a run because I'm not going to let myself be a miserable person for the next two weeks. I'm not going talk myself back into the old ways of doing things - using food for comfort, reverting back to an introvert, or skipping workouts - because the old ways sucked. They sucked up all my energy, my happiness, and my progress. Sure it's comfortable but it's not happening again.
I realize this post is a change from my usual upbeat & positive outlook but I said from the beginning that I was going to be open and honest about this journey.
I knew if I posted something about rainbows and happy-bright-things I would be "talking the talk" but not "walking the walk." I'm not going to do that. I'm going to whole-heartedly admit that I've failed this week. I've skipped workouts, I've eaten crap, and even QUIT in the middle of a run. Just quit and went to my car, drove home, and never looked back. On top of that, I've been pretty damn rude and dismissive to a few select people (that I know can take it) and it feels awful.
Turning over a new leaf starting NOW. I appreciate this time to vent and now I'm looking forward to a successful rest of the week. Unlike in the past, I have a whole community to draw inspiration and support from so for that, I thank you.
On a positive note, I have revamped my sponsorship options. I still have swaps available, but only for a limited time! Ash and I are offering 50% off all paid sponsorship ads for those who link up for Weigh In Wednesday. (Obviously it needs to be a relevant post. We will be checking!) MY promo code is: WIW50. Just check out the Sponsor tab and Passionfruit will do the rest!
Now let's get to linking up, shall we?
I totally respect and admire your honesty. I think that's one of the most important things when it comes to getting not only your health, but your life too, on track. You HAVE to be honest with yourself. It's what helps you grow and move along. So have no shame in your game, Heather.
ReplyDeleteI think at least working out will help ease that anxiety. I am right there with you that I use my anxiety and stress to just retreat. It's just an easy thing to do. But running/working out is my choice now to get some of that anxiety out of my system. Even if it's the shittiest run ever ('scuse my language) I still count it as an effort. Hey, it's better than nothing.
So don't beat yourself up. We're all in this together, and from what it sounds like, you have an amaaaazing group of people around you. You're gonna kick ass and take names. No worries! :)
Thank you for being honest about your struggles. We all go through them. The most important thing is to not get too far off track. I am glad you are realizing what you need to do. You've got a lot of changes coming up girly. We're all here for you!
ReplyDeleteHang in there sweet girl! I am thinking about you and I am really excited to do this race with you on Thanksgiving day!!!! XOXO
ReplyDeleteKeep your chin up, girl, and stay strong!! Once you get into the swing of school again, everything will fall back into place. You can do it!
ReplyDeleteI'm starting to get anxious about school, too. Although I don't have to leave my family, I do have to keep up a house with two kids AND go to school full time. It's pretty tough. Just keep your head up! I'm sure once you get in a routine at your school, it will be fine. And I'd much rather read about someone who is honest, than someone who is trying to sound chipper all the time! Go girl!
ReplyDeleteAnxiety about change is totally normal! You have got this and you will get back in the swing!
ReplyDeleteI remember when I moved away for undergrad (across the country) and I never want to go through that feeling again! Know you've got this girl praying for your anxieties to go away soon. And you're not the only one going through a plateauish-gainish thing. I am too. At least you have a legitmite reason to be in a funk! Feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteHopefully everything will get better soon. I know how hard it is to lose weight without having anything else distract you, can't imagine having to do it when you're not all mentally there! ugh
ReplyDeletewhen i get anxious, i eat. its bad. but you are right you have a community supporting you!
ReplyDeleteQue cera, cera. This is all a part of the weight loss battle, as I like to call it. I'm glad you were honest, because that's all apart of battling through this weight loss. You'll overcome and figure things out, because you're a fighter. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your support, Meredith! I definitely agree with exercise helping with anxiety. I've noticed that when I get activity in, it releases my pent up energy and relaxing my mind. Instead of trying to cover up the anxiety, getting it out is so much better!
ReplyDeleteHaving you all for support is what keeps me going!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'm super excited for this race, as well!
ReplyDeleteI agree - when I'm busy I tend to be more productive and better at sticking to things. Thank you for your encouragement and support!
ReplyDeleteSee! My life isn't nearly as crazy as yours! No excuses for me. Best of luck with your school, as well. And thank you for your support!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kristin! I just need to get back to a consistent, busy schedule!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your prays & thoughtful words, Nicole! I hope we both get through this plateau stage and start kicking butt!
ReplyDeleteI can't wait until I'm busy again! It makes losing weight & staying on track so much easier!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Shannon! You always have great encouragement for me and I appreciate it so much!
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome! We all need to be encouraged. Put positive out, get positive back. :)
ReplyDelete